Knowing Changes Everything
- Getting tested for COPD. [I am a male,] 20 year smoker, ex Army and refinery worker. What's most bothersome is knowing how this will kill me. Drowning/suffocating. No children, no wife, just a job and a truck. It's time to PT. Endlessly.
- —Guest sumguy
Panic Attacks
- My fear is the panic attacks I get when I can't breathe. I know this makes it worse but I cannot help it, sometimes I wish I could just die in my sleep.
- —Guest msw
Having My Children Watch Me Waste Away
- I'm 46 and was diagnosed with stage 2 COPD today. I have four children ages 22, 16, 10, 8. I don't want them to miss out on their lives because they are trying to take care of me. I hate the fact that they will have to watch me waste away. I wanted to be there for them and to help them. It is so much for them to bear. It's not fair for them. I hate this.
- —Guest Jennifer Bakken
My Heart Stopping
- Went into hospital last week for operation on sinus., polyps. But then, my heart stopped as they were operating on me; scary!!! Now the doctor thinks Ii might have COPD because I have asthma and I smoked for 30 yrs on and off. I'm 56 yrs now, don't smoke anymore. Please pray for me that I haven't got this disease. They are going to do some tests in a couple of weeks time. I feel great at the moment and hope to stay positive. I will pray for each and every one of you and thank you all for sharing. God bless.
- —Guest gail davies
Constant Coughing; Can't Catch My Breath
- I was taking care of my dad who had ALS when I found out I had COPD. I was, and still am, sick a lot. He had to go to a nursing home. He was there a month and passed away. Stress triggers my attacks. They are scary and no one understands what you go through. The fluid build up, constant coughing, can't catch your breath, can't sleep, no energy to walk anywhere. I go at least once a month to the doctor, get a handful of prescriptions I can't afford. I am in the hospital right now after waiting and suffering for four days because I knew my husband would be mad about the bill. No matter how hard it was I have to drag myself to work and still do what needs to be done at home. Maybe when I'm gone and so is my insurance policy, someone might realize how much I did do even sick and miss me. I know if daddy were still here, he would be there for me. Hate to say I'm wishing my hospital stay goes by slow, and hope these strangers taking care of me know how much I appreciate them.
- —Guest Diana
The Struggle to Breathe
- I am 52 years old, a non-smoker, recently diagnosed with COPD. The most frightening aspect of COPD to me is the fight to breathe. How can you stop an invisible murderer, while it is smothering you to death?
- —Guest Ann
Leaving My Baby
- Leaving behind my three year old who is the love of my life.
- —Guest Toddler
Losing the Will to Fight Back
- I don't have COPD, my dad does and it is breaking my heart. He smoked and painted cars without a mask so his lungs are really glazed. He was in the CCU on a ventilator for 5 months, and now he has moved to a LTAC. We live so far away but I always try to visit at least once a month. He was doing well got off ventilator, was on CPAP for 36 hours but then quit breathing in his sleep and back on the vent. That took the will to fight out of him. He is frightened -- doesn't want to leave us -- but just wishes it was over. When my brother took off work to visit dad and we left my heart broke, my dad was crying, his face was all scrunched up but no noise could come out. The doctors think he could recover and if he continued therapy he would have a decent life but he has lost the will to fight this disease. The family hopes but the sorrow is so much, and his fight for air is minute by minute. How much can one human take? He is being brave but I am a coward because I don't want to lose him.
- —heatbreak
Not knowing if it will get worse
- Walked 9 miles today. Walk 2 miles everyday. Next week will try the housework again. That is when I seem to get fatigued. Quit smoking 4/12/2011 after 45 years. Retiring the end of this month. I am staying positive, but first time I usually take care of someone else.
- —lin8da
How Your Life Changes
- As I have sat here and read all 58 letters I see my situation in each one. I am 44 and have 5 children and 4 grandchildren with 1 more on the way. I worked up til 2001 our little one was born in February and i gave my job up in October and took on the role of mom while my wife went to work to support us. Point is life is what you make of it regardless of what's thrown your way.Figure out ways to make tasks easier for you to do and do them. Until stage 4 set in I would cook and clean all from my electric wheelchair. It gives me comfort to know that for the most part I am still in control of my life even though I've had to change the way I live. I can't tell you how to deal with depression as I have a hard time with it myself. As long as I have family I'm pretty sure that I will fight for life with every breathe I take. And when I do leave this world behind it will be with NO regrets for I have lived and loved and have been loved as well. So please hang in there and smile at least once a day
- —Guest rob
Scared I'll Die From It Too
- I have read some of the posts and I'm so sorry. I am 40 and was diagnosed with COPD in March of 2011. I stopped smoking in 98, but I have stage 2. My grandpa died from this 12 years ago. It appears that smoke is what causes me to flare up...then it takes me that day as well as the entire next day to recuperate and get my breath back. The doctor placed me on the Spiriva inhaler in hopes it will keep mine consistent. I also JUST started with allergies and I'm not sure how much is COPD or allergies. I wish everyone the best and take one deep breath at a time...for a long life!
- —Guest Sept6th1998
Having it at Such a Young Age and Death
- I am only 34 yrs old and just found out I have COPD. I am absolutely terrified because I don't want to die and I don't know what living with disease will be like. I am just scared for so many reasons and hate myself for smoking. I actually quit 2 yrs ago and was devastated when I went to the hospital for pneumonia last night only to get even worse news. Too young for this!!!!! I thought I had been smart enough to quit young, but it's too late. I'm just glad I was smart enough to quit when I did.
- —Guest Melissa
Suffering Every Day
- I'm not on oxygen yet but am on Foradil, Pulmicort and Combivent (sometimes supplemented with Spiriva). Every day starts out a nightmare - taking my shower and getting dressed is a horrible experience - but after an hour or so I am "partially functional" for the rest of the day and can move about. I can still take cruises, still go to the movies, and still go shopping - BUT - it's getting harder every year. I keep trying new vitamins and supplements. I wont give up easy. I was diagnosed in 1999 and now I am 60. Losing weight helps a lot. Lost 45 pounds and am down to 140 but I still get full every day. Evenings aren't too bad but I am punished by any "exertion" and have to take Xanax every day to prevent panic attacks. But I will never give up.
- —thehappyman
Needing Family
- My biggest fear is that my family will not fully understand when I need help with everyday things. They insist they know what's best for me, not how i am feeling. I feel scared and alone.
- —Guest peggy bays
Dying With COPD
- I too have struggled for many breaths, and have been to the hospital several times, I am on 6 liters of O2 around the clock, daily steroids and inhalers. Now my heart is acting up. I am going to have a second opinion or a lung transplant.
- —Guest Saf123
